| my friend |
i am in the mood for something *festive* whatever i could mean by that is up to you. hot sex with one of my many dates for the night. dancing to the latin beat channel naked. hot sex with all of my dates tonight. problem...i dont have any dates for the night and i do not get latin beat. my mother is turning more and more violent. i dont really want to go into that unless i have to. i think i will save it for another day when i cannot think of anything to write about. i had a friend. we used to hang out and talk all the time. my friend told me that he cared about me. my friend was much older than me and with a girl for three years. my friend told me i was dangerous. my friend told me he loved me. my friend walked himself into my room one night when he knew no one was home and kissed my head. my friend watched me sleep. my friend crawled into bed beside me and softly rubbed all of my sores and scars. he whispered that he loved me. he whispered that he needed me. he ran his hands down my sides and nuzzled my nose. i grinned at my friend. i told him we cannot do this. i told my friend we cannot do this. it is a bad idea and it will only end with everyone heart broken. i went to kiss my friend. my friend told me i was right and left. i cried for my friend a few nights after it happened. my friend doesnt speak to me any longer. his friend does. not him i reach out for my friend at night. i remember that he isnt there and i find my world much colder. i drift back to sleep with my eyes and cheeks damp. i know what i told him was true. and i know it was for the best. my friend is getting married. i can only hope i never see the two in public. ---- mahatma has been working a lot. this is good for him. bad for me. i miss our late night conversations, drowned in lust or the starts of love. we end the conversations before we can completely tease ourselves. sometimes a teased heart is worst than a broken or pierced one. the skin on my right hand has started to get very dry. we are going to have a rainy fall. i am all for that. life in rain...mmm lizz snores. shes about to blow her nose off...or whatever body part makes that sound. its cute really...i'll never tell her she does it. i want someone else to find it cute or beautiful. in a fit of rage [boredom] i hacked off some of my curls...as well as a few inches. it looks great. that wasnt what i was going for. jim never called me last night. with his driving record, i think i should be worried. but i'm not. something is telling me he was just sleepy and passed out before he though he would. and now i sleep |